The wonderful part of being ill, is that in recovery, it gives you an enlightened sense of being alive. It’s kind-of like pulling an all nighter when you feel shit, and you think tomorrow never comes. Then, at the first glimpse of the sun, everything’s ok again.
It reminds me of David Bowie in his Heathen years, talking about working in the daylight, and the kind of feelings that brings… I can certainly relate to it, and it’s something I wish to explore more.
Y’know, things aren’t all that scary right now. And maybe that won’t be the case tomorrow.. You never know what’s gonna happen.. But I notice there’s a certain hope and encouragement from the people who don’t take it all so seriously. I’ve felt put off and disgusted by the others, who, in one way or another, have shown their true colours…
But the fools, the dreamers.. They have always made me laugh, and cry, and filled me with bubbly feelings. It is their doing – often with such unselfconscious flare – that only comes with someone living true. They instil in me the simple fact that I can do it too.
Personalities are shrouded in artifice and mystery. Like my friend Ash says, “20% genius, 80% bullshit.”
I’d like to be a lighthouse. Or a friendly creature, doing its own thing, that you can always rely on for an experience. It’s something I was talking about with Gosia. I’ve always felt attracted to a little tinkering… I suppose in a live setting I connect more with someone like Aphex Twin than someone like ooh, I dunno… Kanye. And the musical tinkering, at least in my case, is less of a techy desire to take things apart, and more of a love for putting things together. It’s organic, it’s gradual.. It’s love.